Somewhere in Between

The Parts of Marriage No One Talks About

Marriage has a way of exposing parts of ourselves we didn’t even know were there. Sometimes it reveals our patience. Sometimes it reveals our selfishness. Sometimes it forces us to confront emotions we’d rather not admit out loud.

This week, my husband and I finally launched our clothing line, “StateMentGear”. After months of brainstorming, designing, researching, creating listings, and learning platforms neither of us had ever used before, we finally made it happen.

Everyone sees the launch. What they don’t see is everything that happened within me while we were getting there.

The truth is, I struggled with this project from the very beginning, and that has been difficult for me to admit. It wasn’t because I don’t love my husband, and it certainly wasn’t because I don’t believe in him. In fact, one of the reasons I’ve wrestled with this so much is because he has always been one of my biggest supporters. He encourages me to write, reminds me to finish my book, and believes in what I’m trying to accomplish even when I become distracted by everything else life demands.

The difference is that my dreams require my work. His dream, at least for this season, requires mine.

That has been the part I’ve struggled to reconcile.

When I’m writing my novel or working on this blog, I’m investing my time into something God placed in my heart to create. When I’m building our clothing line, I’m investing that same time into a vision He placed in my husband’s heart. Neither calling is more important than the other, but they ask something different of me. One comes naturally because it’s where my passion lives. The other requires me to intentionally choose to serve someone I love, even on the days when it’s the last thing I feel like doing.

That’s uncomfortable to admit because I know how it sounds. There have been plenty of moments when I’d rather have been writing another chapter, polishing a poem, or working on one of the many ideas sitting on my computer than creating product listings or learning another e-commerce platform. Not because I resented my husband, but because I missed working on the things that make me come alive.

As I reflected on why I was struggling so much, I realized this wasn’t really about a clothing line. It was about marriage.

I think we sometimes romanticize what it means to support our spouse. We assume that if we truly love them, we’ll naturally be excited about everything they’re excited about. But I don’t think that’s always true. Sometimes supporting your spouse means giving your time, your energy, and your abilities to something that doesn’t stir your own heart in the same way.

That doesn’t make us selfish.

It makes us human.

The challenge is making sure honesty doesn’t become resentment. There is a difference between admitting, “This isn’t what I want to be doing,” and allowing that feeling to grow into bitterness. I’ve had to be honest with myself about where my attitude was coming from because I never wanted my husband to feel unsupported simply because I was struggling internally.

The reality is that my husband has never asked me to abandon my dreams. If anything, he’s one of the biggest reasons I continue pursuing them. He celebrates every chapter I finish, every poem I write, and every step I take toward becoming the writer I hope to be. Knowing that has made this struggle even more convicting because I genuinely want to be the same kind of encouragement to him.

What I’ve been wrestling with is something much deeper than a clothing line. I’ve been wrestling with what it means to honor a covenant when my feelings aren’t cooperating.

It’s easy to support each other when your dreams are moving in the same direction. It’s much harder when supporting your spouse means postponing something you’ve been longing to do yourself. Those are the moments that test us—not because we stop loving each other, but because we’re forced to examine our own hearts.

How much do I give?

How do I support my husband without neglecting myself?

How do I remain faithful to the commitment I made while also remaining faithful to the gifts God has entrusted to me?

I don’t have all the answers.

What I do know is that marriage isn’t sustained by enthusiasm alone. Some days it is sustained by commitment. Some acts of love don’t feel exciting. Some sacrifices don’t feel rewarding in the moment. Sometimes love simply looks like showing up, even when your heart would rather be somewhere else.

This clothing line may have started as my husband’s dream, but somewhere along the way it became an opportunity for me to examine my own heart. It forced me to ask whether I only wanted to support him when it felt enjoyable or whether I was willing to support him simply because I promised I would.

I don’t know if I’ve figured that out yet.

I just know this experience has reminded me that sometimes the greatest work God is doing isn’t through the project we’re building.

Sometimes it’s through the person He’s building while we work.